Seven Months In

Last week I received an email from a buddy of mine back home, and he asked me how my outlook on life has changed and how the value that I place on certain things (needs vs. wants) has changed.  I thought about it a lot over the past week, and that is definitely not enough time to come to a full conclusion.  In fact, it will likely not be until I have finished this journey that I can answer with any amount of true understanding, but as for now, I have a few thoughts to begin answering these existential questions.

There are things like missing the food you like from time to time, but those are things that you expect when you sign up for an assignment with Peace Corps.  There are things that I didn’t think about such as having to wash my clothes (including jeans and sweatshirts!!) by hand, but that is still something that I should have expected and actually don’t mind doing.  I knew I would be grateful for this opportunity (I was grateful before I even got here), but since I have arrived, I have seen myself change a lot - in mostly positive ways.

I think I have become a stronger person since my arrival in June, but that mission started well before I left the US.  Being here has helped me solidify my sense of self, and I no longer consider any avenue other than being true to myself.  I still have trouble sometimes getting the words right, but the bottom line is that I have to be real – with myself and with others.  There is no dancing around the truth – it is there, and someone has to speak it.  (I learned this working 3^rd shift with my KGB if from no one else!) For better or worse, I offer my services to the necessity more times than not.  I still have some work to do on being eloquent and articulate in this particular area, but the work must continue! 

It is a funny thing – I have been living independently since I was 18, but it wasn’t until I moved to Africa that I learned what true independence is.  It means cooking every single meal, washing every item of clothes, cleaning every inch of your home (including the front yard/porch), boiling and filtering every drop of water you consume, and killing every inhabitant of your home that you do not think belongs.  There are times when I am tired, and I don’t want to cook.  If I don’t cook, I will go hungry (and driving to the nearest drive-thru is NOT an option).  Or times when I don’t feel like doing laundry.  If I don’t wash my clothes, I will have nothing clean to wear the following week, and in Lesotho, cleanliness is next to godliness (or however that saying goes).  Sometimes it is tempting to just drink the water because everyone else (PCVs – ahem!!) does it, but I know that going home for something as preventable as a parasite from unclean water will be a difficult thing for me to live with – so I religiously boil and filter my water. 

That said, these things are the more obvious difficulties that we face…certainly not much different than the challenges my great-grandmother faced when she was my age (but how denim became a popular fabric in an era prior to washing machines may forever blow my mind).  So no use in crying or expecting too much sympathy from that.  But I will say that I have a new found respect for generations who have gone before me (and the Amish, of course)! J 

The value I place on a clean glass of water from the tap is something I hope I will never take for granted again once I am back in the US.  I am a “princess PCV” because I have a flush toilet, but I will tell you this much – I sho am grateful for that thing!  And my health.  Lord have mercy, I never understood how fortunate I was to be born into this world disease-free.  It is an unfortunate state that so many children here do not have the opportunity to be healthy for even one day of their lives or to even have parents who are.  Many children are orphaned by the time they are five years old – something most of us cannot fathom.

I think one of the less obvious challenges we face is isolation.  I am in a pretty remote district of Lesotho up in the mountains, and the closest volunteer (until about a month ago) was over an hour away by bus.  I was able to see fellow PCVs often enough, but when I got lonely or frustrated or discouraged, I had to rely on my own coping skills to get me through.  Eventually, I would have the opportunity to talk to someone and “let it out,” but I was surprised and pleased to find that I had the strength to get through the hard times.  Knowing that so many people support me, care for me, and think about me definitely helps keep me strong. 

I have been overwhelmed by the letters, packages, and emails I have received in the past few months!   I sincerely thank each of you who have taken the time out of your busy lives to send me a good old-fashioned handwritten letter.  You cannot imagine how great it is to get mail!  Due to the care packages I have received, I think I could clean and feed my entire community.  All I can say is that there is gratitude pouring out of my ears!!

I am very lucky to have another PCV as a neighbor now.  He moved to Thaba-Tseka in December to teach at the local high school, and he is only a 20-minute walk from my house.  So he will NEVER know about isolation since he has the best neighbor in the whole flippin’ world! JK. JK. JK.

Enough about how awesome I am, I want to tell you about how much respect I have gained for others working abroad.  I have always placed a great deal of gratitude and respect on our nation’s military, but working as a “peace-keeper” has increased my awareness of the risks they face.  We are blessed to be living and working in generally peaceful nations where we can actually create the kind of change PC is missioned with doing – education, agriculture and business work, youth development, HIV/AIDS awareness, and so on.  I am grateful for those who give years of their lives to live in places that are not as safe to protect our country so that we are able to do our work.  I would like to think that, with the right mindset, we are working toward a mutual goal of making the world a little better one by one.  Of course both sides falter from time to time, but I hope that people are doing the best they can for the most part.

As Debbie-downer as parts of this post might sound, I am truly filled with a sense of gratitude and genuine joy that I can live in this beautiful country with my extraordinary Basotho friends and neighbors for two years.  I am so happy to be thriving, and I am trying my best to live up to the expectations I had of myself before I came.  There will be future challenges and triumphs just like in any walk of life.  The bumps in the road and the high points are usually a little more drastic, though.  Great – now it went from Debbie-downer to sappy in three sentences! 

I hope to update again soon – maybe with some stories next time and not just my rambling thoughts!  Take care and keep in touch!

Khotso (Peace)

Tara